{"id":59,"date":"2023-11-24T18:56:30","date_gmt":"2023-11-24T18:56:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/?page_id=59"},"modified":"2026-03-16T19:58:20","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T19:58:20","slug":"vaso","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/?page_id=59","title":{"rendered":"Vaso"},"content":{"rendered":"
\nPo\u010detak<\/a> . Grujo<\/a> . Ne\u0161a<\/a> . Pe\u0111a<\/a> . Sinke<\/a> . Vaso<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Prvi zapisi o njemu se pronalaze tek 1954. godine kada je slu\u017eio kao kapetan nepotopive nuklearne podmornice „Crveni Oktobar“ koja je sedam puta potonula. Iako uglavnom kriv, koriste\u0107i nepotizam i ucene uvek se izvla\u010di i kako to obi\u010dno biva, napreduje u redovima Sovjetske mornarice do \u010dina admirala; no osama i dubine mora \u010dine svoje i u njemu se razvijaju mentalni poreme\u0107aji… Tokom Kubanske krize spa\u0161ava svet zaboraviv\u0161i \u0161ifre za lansiranje nukearnih projektila i nesposoban da se suo\u010di sa besom Nikite Hru\u0161\u010dova re\u0161ava da prebegne na zapad; no kao potpuni ignoramus geografije i ekonomije zavr\u0161ava na Uskr\u0161njim ostrvima i tamo prodaje podmornicu za 30 dolara. <\/p>\n

Be\u017ee\u0107i od lin\u010da svoje posade nastanjuje se u Argentini gde uspeva da se zaposli kao gau\u010dos no gubi se u beskrajnim stepama i putuje dalje na jug gde dobija posao krotitelja pingvina. Jedva izvukav\u0161i \u017eivu glavu od pobesnelog jata sre\u0107e Roalda Amundsena kome nedostaje pilot cepelina za osvajanje severnog pola te dobija ovu poziciju zahvaljuju\u0107i falcifikovanoj biografiji. „Sve je to isto kao podmornica“ govori sebi bore\u0107i se sa podivljalom sne\u017enom olujom i u \u017eelji da se podigne iznad oblaka spu\u0161ta se na tlo i tako spa\u0161ava letelicu. <\/p>\n

Vesti o njegovim uspesima dolaze do NASA administracije i oni ga zapo\u0161ljavaju kao dresera majmuna – astronauta Alberta, no zaboraviv\u0161i da ga nahrani majmun umire i on zauzima njegovo mesto u sub-orbitalnoj raketi i tu postaje o\u010daran svemirom i njegovim tajnama… Poku\u0161avaju\u0107i da ga se otarase NASA ga \u0161alje sa Pionir sondom na Mesec koja se slupa na sletanju ostavljaju\u0107i ga tamo zarobljenog ali iako u su\u0161tini neuspe\u0161ne ove misije donose dragocene informacije o mese\u010devoj gravitaciji i kona\u010dno rezultiraju Apolo misijama; tada ga Armstrong spa\u0161ava i vra\u0107a na zemlju. U o\u010dajanju i psihozi jeo je mese\u010devo kamenje te od toga dolaze mitovi da je Mesec napravljen od sira. <\/p>\n

Prognan iz SAD-a, o\u010dajan, odaje se alkoholu \u0161to jo\u0161 vi\u0161e uni\u0161tava njegovu na\u010detu psihu i luta po svetu da bi se kona\u010dno skrasio u Vijetnamu gde otvara auto-mehani\u010darsku radionicu i uni\u0161tava njihov ionako slab vozni park, no tu Ho \u0160i Min shvata njegov pravi potencijal i baca ga iz aviona na Amerikance sa \u0161afcigerom u rukama \u0161to rezultira njihovim povla\u010denjem ’73.<\/p>\n

Dalje putuje u Japan gde dugo godina ostaje zaposlen u Sony korporaciji kao tester \u0161to dovodi ovaj brend do svetskog uspeha no stalno eksperimenti\u0161u\u0107i sa njihovim nau\u010dnicima gre\u0161kom sklapa prvi vokalni procesor poku\u0161avaju\u0107i da napravi ma\u0161inu za premotavanje traka na video-kasetama.<\/p>\n

Upravljaju\u0107i sa ovom napravom uspeva da ubedi ostale \u010dlanove benda Teatar Apsurda kako zna da peva i do dana dana\u0161njeg ostaje njihov vokalni solista i tekstopisac.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The first records of him are found only in 1954 when he served as the captain of the unsinkable nuclear submarine „Red October,“ which sank seven times. Although mostly at fault, he always managed to escape consequences using nepotism and blackmail and, as often happens, rose through the ranks of the Soviet Navy to the rank of admiral; however, the loneliness and depths of the sea took their toll and he developed mental disorders. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, he saved the world by forgetting the launch codes for nuclear missiles. Unable to face Nikita Khrushchev’s wrath, he decided to defect to the West; but as a complete ignoramus in geography and economics, he ended up on Easter Island and there sold the submarine for $30.<\/p>\n

Fleeing from his crew’s lynching, he settled in Argentina, where he managed to get a job as a gaucho but got lost in the endless steppes and traveled further south, where he landed a job as a penguin tamer. Barely escaping alive from a frenzied flock, he met Roald Amundsen, who needed a zeppelin pilot to conquer the North Pole. He got the position thanks to a falsified biography. „It’s all the same as a submarine,“ he told himself, fighting a raging snowstorm and, in a bid to rise above the clouds, landed on the ground, thus saving the airship.<\/p>\n

News of his successes reached NASA, and they employed him as a trainer for Albert, the astronaut monkey, but forgetting to feed him, the monkey died, and he took its place in a sub-orbital rocket. There, he became fascinated with space and its secrets. Trying to get rid of him, NASA sent him with the Pioneer probe to the Moon, which crashed on landing, leaving him stranded. Although essentially unsuccessful, these missions brought valuable information about lunar gravity and ultimately led to the Apollo missions; then Armstrong rescued him and brought him back to Earth. In despair and psychosis, he ate moon rocks, giving rise to the myths that the Moon is made of cheese.<\/p>\n

Banished from the USA, in despair, he turned to alcohol, further destroying his already damaged psyche. He wandered the world and finally settled in Vietnam, where he opened an auto-mechanic workshop and destroyed their already weak vehicle park. There, Ho Chi Minh realized his true potential and dropped him from a plane onto the Americans with a screwdriver in his hand, resulting in their withdrawal in ’73.<\/p>\n

He then traveled to Japan, where he stayed for many years employed by Sony Corporation as a tester, which led the brand to global success. Constantly experimenting with their scientists, he accidentally assembled the first vocal processor while trying to make a machine for rewinding tapes on video cassettes.<\/p>\n

Operating this device, he managed to convince the other members of the band Teatar Apsurda that he knew how to sing, and to this day remains their lead vocalist and lyricist.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Po\u010detak . Grujo . Ne\u0161a . Pe\u0111a . Sinke . Vaso Prvi zapisi o njemu se pronalaze tek 1954. godine kada je slu\u017eio kao kapetan nepotopive nuklearne podmornice „Crveni Oktobar“ koja je sedam puta potonula. Iako uglavnom kriv, koriste\u0107i nepotizam i ucene uvek se izvla\u010di i kako to obi\u010dno biva, napreduje u redovima Sovjetske mornarice […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":10,"menu_order":3,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-59","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/59","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=59"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/59\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":272,"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/59\/revisions\/272"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/teatarapsurda.rs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=59"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}